Art and Fear.

Went to hear Rob Bell give his newest 'talk' called 'Drops like Stars' on Sunday.  I felt a bit disjointed afterwards, kinda having a hard time jiggling the different points he made into some cohesive 'ah ha' moment that I could then apply to my life and everything would be glittery.

I remember a few moments of extreme hilarity (god it feels good to laugh til you almost puke!), and even a time or two of my eyeballs tearing up and that awkward lump forming in the back of my throat.  I felt tremendously affirmed afterwards, so my spirit received something, even if my brain can't wrap it up with a big grosgrain bow and hand it off to my cyberfriends so that they, too, could feel affirmation.  I do apologize.

Perhaps the biggest resonance was hearing that all of life is art.  Living is creating.  We create lists, menus, playlists, itineraries......we decorate our house, dress ourselves, clean the kitchen.....we drive ourselves here and there (and everywhere).  We talk, write, think.  All of this is creating the work of art called Our Life.  And it's a mess most of the time, filled with stress, compulsion, mistakes, humility, selfishness, joy, ecstasy, and dull monotony.  But it's still art.  We make something of our lives every moment we take a breath.  

For those who carry the so-called label of 'artsy', they feel this process perhaps more intensely...and get tired of the non-sponteneity of most days pretty darn quickly, preferring to make several messes at once releasing that 'creative' energy into the cosmos in the form of something they deem 'cutting edge'.  We want to set ourselves apart from the masses.  We want to be noticed for our art.

And we're hard on ourselves.  Brutal, in fact.  And that's why so many of us 'artsy' folks live with the beast of depression.  We have so much to say, and the struggle to get it out of us and into the atmostphere is a cranky business.  We'd love to just say 'ENOUGH'! and be at peace living like 'everyone else'.  But there is no peace for the artist....and whether you are considered 'artsy' or not...anyone in tune enough to recognize the sculpture that is being revealed daily by our choices and behavior will immediately realize there's no getting out of the task at hand.  We will have to embrace the massive responsiblility that lays before us as the sun rises each day.  We are creating a life.  We've got this one chance.  Yet, let's not become overwhelmed with fear of failure.....let's not choose instead to numb our perceptions of reality thru other addictions....let's be brave as our shaky, unsure hands begin to remove dirt and clay and marble and the white areas, paying homage to the flaws and errors by learning from them and moving forward another step.  

Rob mentioned a book called Art and Fear.  I think perhaps I shall buy it.

Today, I am thankful for another day to sculpt my life.  I'm anxious to practice grace with myself as I will surely face failure and disappointment with the task.  I'm so happy I don't need to be perfect, please everyone, or be a certain kind of christian.